


Vantablack

by elfriniol



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Extremely Dubious Consent, Force Choking, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, Mind Manipulation, One-Sided Attraction, Oral Sex, POV Kylo Ren, Power Imbalance, Touch-Starved Armitage Hux, Unhealthy Relationships, Violent Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 09:03:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12745206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfriniol/pseuds/elfriniol
Summary: Allow me, he had said, that first time so many moons ago. Let me take care of you.If you dare, he had left unspoken.





	Vantablack

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a nice story.
> 
> That said, if you have read some of my previous works and liked their optimism, you will not find it here. So if I have anything close to a regular reader, I am terribly sorry that this is so wildly different from my usual thing.
> 
> I tried to tag this to the best of my ability, but if you feel like something should be added, don't hesitate to tell me! That said, this thing contains some EXTREME dub-con and mind/emotional manipulation, so if you are sensitive to that I suggest you don't read this. Safety first.
> 
> This fic was heavily inspired by [this Perturbator song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPMC3GYpBHg) and so got the title Vantablack. Again, subject-wise, it is not a nice song.
> 
> Thanks to [frapandfurious](http://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious) for beta reading <3

“The engineering compound is situated on Trellia 40012, sector 5-24.1, at the foot of the mountain range stretching north-east. Light security. The data-vault you need to acquire is in the control room, basement floor 2, entrance secured by a force-field. Be sure not to raise any alarms until you collect the target or the entire facility goes on a lockdown.”

“That wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Regardless of your abilities to wipe out an entire base, this mission warrants maximum discretion; there is no way the Resistance can connect us targeting one of their proxy research centers. That’s why you’re going in alone. Is that clear?”

“Clear.”

“Good. Hux out.”

Connection cut with a brief burst of static. Alone again, Ren turned to the controls - 13 minutes until touchdown, the moon he was headed to a mere dot on the map. On the very outskirts of space and yet unable to slip Hux’s attention.

Hux. Always so vigilant, sharp. Bright. Master strategist. Also a liar, deceiver. He kept tugging at the cuff of his sleeve during the call, reminding Ren of the fabric burns on his wrists that Ren left there prior to boarding this shuttle and leaving for the farthest reaches of the universe. It wasn’t on purpose, Ren was sure; Hux didn’t take to Ren’s marks on his body kindly and yet he kept coming back, coming for more, breaking under too much. Shutting down his brain and surrendering.

He broke out of hyperspace, the moon below cold and bleak and grey. The sooner he could get out of here, the better. Already he wanted Hux again.

*

“You disobeyed a direct order.”

Ren paused in sucking marks to Hux’s nape, opened his mouth a fraction and sunk his teeth in. Just a nip above the collarbone. A warning. “We’ve been through this - I had no choice.” A rebel transport with an armed escort docked just as he reached his objective and noticed his shuttle on the way.

“It was your carelessness that caused it.”

He raised his head to loom over Hux; there was no authority in his position, half undressed and pinned to the mattress, eyes hooded and dark in the dim light, hair escaping the formation it had been combed into. Open and ripe. Ren was craving it - the power he used to subdue Hux acted as the most addictive drug in the Coruscant underground. He didn’t realise he was staring until Hux’s voice reached him as if from a distance, no matter his face was close enough he could feel Hux’s soft exhales on his skin. “There was a Resistance fighter on that base, in the hallway leading to the exit.” He ran his hand along Hux’s cheek, “young. Brave. Thin. She reminded me of you.” Pulse under his fingerpads, beating louder, beating faster. “Fired ten rounds at me; when she couldn’t anymore, took out a vibroblade. I could feel how much she wanted to kill me, then and there.”

“I don’t want to kill you.”

Ren searched his eyes, a stare that unnerved even the most seasoned troopers. He gave Hux’s throat an experimental squeeze. “No,” he said at last, “you don’t.” He let go, for now, splayed his palm over Hux’s chest. “I took her heart in my hand and squeezed-” Hux’s gasp, tension and pain, a swarm of butterflies momentarily fluttering against his fingers, “-just like this. It’s not a nice way to go.” It played again in his head, how her body hit the ground, a flower cut mid-bloom.

Tears in the corners of Hux’s eyes.

“Let me be nice to you.” He traced a circle on Hux’s ribcage - the wave of fear washing over Hux electrifying him in the most exquisite and inherently wrong way. “I don’t want to do what you wouldn’t like.” Lowering his head, he could feel the panicked rush of blood; he kissed the artery, moved up to a pink earlobe, “please, allow me,” he whispered.

Hux’s “yes” was barely voiced, dissipated into the still air like morning frost and Ren ripped the rest of his uniform off, Hux’s limbs trapped in the shreds, his flushed skin already bruising. A crushing kiss and a whimper as Ren pressed inside - the heat so tight, overwhelming that his jaw went slack. “Hush”, he said when he collected himself, Hux’s body squirming of its own volition, Hux’s voice a stream of choked moans, “you can take it.”

Denial at the forefront of Hux’s mind. Ren smoothed it around the edges, molded it into a challenge, and soon Hux was pliant, making delicious noises, flushing an even deeper shade of red. His hand on Hux’s cock was the only praise Ren offered, but he took care to be thorough, to let Hux have at least this one drop of kindness.

“Kylo-!” Hux shuddered, ribcage expanding, pressing against Ren’s own chest, Hux’s come coating their bellies, Hux lying boneless in his arms. He leaned over to catch Hux’s lips in a tender kiss, long and sweet. A compensation; he pulled out, still hard and aching, tossed aside the condom before climbing up to straddle Hux’s chest. One hand tugging at Hux’s hair, he thrust his hips forward, head of his cock bumping against Hux’s lips, Hux looking up, so confused so questioning so fucking irresistible-

“Go on,” he said scratching Hux’s scalp, “open up. I can tell you want to,” probably, perhaps, not likely, words whose meaning was empty, “little cockslut,” he said as he found the gap, widening, searing, plush with a bit of scrape on top, any resistance contained in his hand where Hux’s head lay motionless. His hips bucked - reached the confines - nails raking over his bare thighs - somewhere between them lost: a sound, one wholesome ripple in the air before he picked up his pace and watched from above as tears fell, bursting and fading like a meteor shower.

Lights flickered and he spilled down Hux’s throat, thumb caressing his hollowed out cheek, riding out the wave to Hux’s muted whimpers. “You look good like this,” he said as he pulled out and Hux took in a shuddering breath, “wrecked,” he brushed his fingerpads over Hux’s swollen lips, “used.” He lowered his head, face hovering an inch away from Hux’s nose. “Don’t you agree?”

Hux’s voice was small.

Before he left, Ren leaned over Hux’s prone form - undressed, the ruined uniform shed at the foot of the bed like a giant snake skin - nuzzled a kiss to Hux’s cheek, sandpaper rough with stubble, tasted the salt; he could feel Hux’s shoulders tense, his breath hitch, his eyes fixated on an imaginary point on the wall, and the heady rush Ren felt sealed a promise to himself that this time wouldn’t be the last.

He slipped out of the room into the hallway, his steps merging with the quiet hum of the ship’s engines, robe billowing around his ankles like shadows.

*

Allow me, he had said, that first time so many moons ago. Let me take care of you.

If you dare, he had left unspoken.

And Hux let him, conspired, held onto his broad back as he untied the sash on Hux’s robe and could for the first time feel the fluttering heat of Hux’s body against the leather of his gloves, visor in his helmet fogging so he had to rely on the Force to see his surroundings, his mind hyperaware of how perfectly Hux’s buttocks fit into his palms when he carried him to bed; he tore Hux’s hands away when he tried to take his helmet off with enough force to inform him who was in charge, that Hux had surrendered control the moment he crossed the room to Ren’s embrace; he probed at Hux’s pucker until it was gaping and slick and obscene and when ordered to present it on his hands and knees, Hux went willingly, hot and sweaty and shuddering with need.

That night, Ren unmade him, fucked him twice to completion and then some more, made Hux ride him so long that Hux had trouble going around his next shift on the bridge, pinched Hux’s nipples and hips until he left a scattering of angry bruises that begged to be admired.

“You don’t like them”, he asked when he saw Hux poking at one lovemark in disbelief, “you don’t like the proof of being wanted?”

Hux’s hand faltered, withdrew after a mere fraction of consideration. “I do.”

He swept his hand down Hux’s side and added a fresh one above his right hipbone.

*

They were on a mission on Derrah, a largely forgotten industrial planet in the Helix cluster, only an inspection to one of the recently appointed research labs. To Ren it was tedious and unexciting and he found himself questioning the reason for his presence the longer their stay was. Hux appeared to be unperturbed and Ren could not comprehend who would prefer this to the heat of action. Perhaps only someone of Hux’s stature and Hux’s reasoning - “brute strength solves nothing, Ren.”

That was what Ren thought until they discovered the leak.

“Sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said one of the head engineers, “all important data is saved on the core drive that isn’t connected to any networks here on Derrah or elsewhere.”

Ren inclined his head. “He’s lying. There is a backup.”

“No, Sir, it’s the truth - you have to believe me-!”

“I believe,” Hux interjected, “we should continue this conversation elsewhere. Carry on,” he addressed the rest of the staff while two troopers escorted the panicking engineer to a secured room for similar purposes. Inside, Hux dismissed the troopers, acknowledged Ren’s presence at the door and turned to the man. “Your name and rank.”

“Captain Arvad Thrax, chief engineer in the security and encryption department.”

“Now, Captain Thrax, regarding the sensitive nature of your research, I’m sure you understand we must proceed with utmost caution.”

Thrax - pale, sweating, fidgeting - nodded. Ren sensed fear - something about a dummy account, administrator permission, data transfer, all convoluted and pointing towards a feverishly guarded blank spot in the center.

“How long have you been assigned to this position?”

“Three years, Sir.”

“Who were your predecessors?”

“No-, none, Sir. This was my first time leading a research team-”

“You designed the Ephorus encryption code, correct?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Impressive achievement for a first timer,” said Hux with unnerving nonchalance that Ren envied; he took a few slow steps, as if circling around Thrax who had nothing to dispute Hux’s offhand comment. “Tell me, Captain, who else was involved?”

Thrax rattled off names on automat, no strong emotion connected to any of them. A lone wolf, then. A mole. Ren wondered if Hux would be able to figure it out on his own.

“Who can access the encryption key?”

“Everyone in the department, Sir.”

“Who is authorised to make alterations?”

A pause. “I am.”

“That is very disquieting-”

“Sir, I-”

“-you’re not permitted to speak, Captain.” Hux’s eyes turned colder, his voice sharper, something ruthless and unnervingly precise coming to life in his demeanor. “I am willing to make you an offer. Either you cooperate and I send you to reconditioning, or you don’t and I leave you to the rather unorthodox methods of my co-commander. No matter the choice, I will get what I want.” Thrax let out a sob. “Which will it be?”

So Thrax talked, about the unauthorised transmissions, about the code modifications, about the bulk of data that was redirected to a far-off planetary system. About innovations that were rendered useless, about his contact in the Rebellion.

Hux was impossible to read, even to Ren. When Thrax finished, there was stifling silence.

The blaster bolt tore through it like a sonic wave; Ren had no time to react as Thrax’s head jerked backwards and his body fell to the concrete floor with a dull thud. He looked over to Hux, blaster drawn and steady, smoke swirling up and away from its barrel - and now he noticed, the vibrating constrained rage, Hux’s hard stare, Hux’s even pulse carrying on as if he didn’t just shoot an unarmed man in cold blood. A new wave of excitement washed over Ren; he imagined Hux pointing the gun at him, pulling the trigger - would _he_ ignite any emotion in Hux if execution didn’t? Would he tear the blaster out of Hux’s grip with the Force or would he choose more conventional approach, grasping it in one hand while the other would reach for Hux’s throat and his mouth for Hux’s pink, sculpted lips?

“You promised him reconditioning,” he ended up saying.

In one languid motion, Hux finally lowered his blaster. “I can’t stand traitors,” he said, and to Ren it sounded like divine judgement.

Outside the two troopers were still waiting along with Hux’s aide. “Clean this up,” Hux ordered without ceremony, “Captain Arvad Thrax was court martialed as of today, 1200 hours, for the crime of high treason. Search his home, confiscate all his belongings and take people in regular contact with him into custody.”

“Yes, sir.”

“The accomplices he mentioned,” he said to Ren, “I trust you to do what is necessary.”

Ren nodded, still too fazed from what had just transpired. Hux would want him to go immediately, not to take any chances.

Perhaps, on the shuttle, under Ren’s ministrations, Hux would agree to an hour-long delay.

*

Starkiller. Ren liked it, liked the sound of it on Hux’s tongue. First night he spent there was in Hux’s suite with Hux pinned down to blood red bedsheets, taking him apart in the low light cast by the spaceport outside. He sunk his teeth to Hux’s neck and Hux’s thighs constricted around him so tight his ribs hurt.

“Hit me,” Hux said at one point.

No.

“Hit me.”

He sat back - Hux spread out under him, pale and glittering with sweat not unlike Starkiller’s snow; Ren took a glimpse inside, behind the eyes in the place no-one should have been able to touch and saw an unhealthy desire to please, to satisfy, to bend-

“Hit me.”

Drunk on power, Ren did, the force of it snapping Hux’s head to the side, Hux’s perfect mouth agape and panting - panting, Ren was panting, quickening the pace - and just as Hux’s eyes met his again he slapped him the second time, tearing Hux’s lower lip open along with a moan. He arched his back and as he came, kissed Hux on his abused mouth, sucked on the swelling wound, tasted the blood, licked into Hux’s mouth whilst grinding his hips and Hux tipped over the edge, breathless and whining mess under him.

*

“I will not tolerate any further whimsical damages to my ship, Ren.”

Hux challenged him in an empty hallway, a dead end deep inside the _Finalizer’s_ bowels, his voice carrying through its dim confines and bouncing off the durasteel walls.

“This ship is mine just as much as she is yours.”

“Then you should start acting like it,” Hux snapped, closing in on him in the same manner as he would on a disobedient officer, only the desired effect was wholly lost on Ren. “We’re not in the position to afford mindless wasting of resources, in the high command no less.”

On the outside, Hux’s emotions were contained, projected only in his displeased scowl, although that particular feature never really left Hux’s face save for some private occasions. On the inside, however, Hux was seething, churning, twisting with barebone rage born of disillusion - _why- I thought we- what do you stand for then- do I matter at all?_

All for one console?

Without a word, Ren made to leave, and Hux’s anger overflowed; he grabbed Ren’s arm but before he could do any more, Ren used his momentum and slammed Hux against the unforgiving wall, knocking the wind out of him, greatcoat falling from one narrow shoulder. He plastered himself to Hux’s squirming back. “Why are you making me do this?” He asked almost gently, as much as the vocoder allowed him. “And just when we were getting along so well.” One of his hands found Hux’s jaw and pulled back, forcing Hux’s spine to arch and his breath to catch.

“Don’t dismiss me.”

“I don’t. It’s the opposite, actually. It’s all you.” He reached out with that phantom limb that could build a bridge between minds, felt out the misty terrain of Hux’s consciousness, caught a tail of one thought.

“Say it.”

His fingers rippled in accord with Hux’s swallow.

“Say it. I know it’s there.”

“Then what is the point-”, Hux trailed off as Ren put pressure on his exposed jugular.

“Say it.”

Hux took a shaky breath, formed the words barely above a broken sigh.

“Again.”

“Touch me.”

Slowly, he let go of Hux’s neck, swept the greatcoat off to the floor on his way across Hux’s shoulders, pressed his palm between Hux’s shoulderblades to nudge him forward, his other hand travelling up Hux’s side and to his shiny belt-buckle; it tumbled down in a cacophony of sounds, metal on metal, coiled around Hux’s ankles. Hux stood still - a perfect abortion of movement; Ren used it to remove his helmet, hypnotised by the short hair standing up on the back of Hux’s neck, by goosebumps rising lower.

It fell to his feet with a loud clatter, forgotten, Ren’s hands free to roam Hux’s body, to unzip his trousers, to snake under his jacket and fondle his hardening nipple; Hux sighed when Ren took his cock in his hand and gave it two long pulls, when he leaned in and kissed a spot on Hux’s neck, just under the edge of his jaw. Hux’s aftershave tingled his nostrils.

“I want to fuck you. Right here,” he emphasized with a roll of his hips, “right now.”

“Ren-”, whatever protest Hux had Ren cut off with a sharp twist of his wrist, Hux’s cock leaking on his glove.

“You deserve it. I watched you during your shift - so wound up, so stiff,” he concentrated, projected his will into an extra appendage, slithered it between Hux’s buttocks to that hidden spot he had come to know so well and had to bite his lip lest Hux’s surprised shout would distract him. “So uptight. Let me loosen you up.”

Hux cursed as his body betrayed him and his hips bucked backwards, deeper to Ren’s embrace, far enough for his bare ass to brush against Ren’s crotch, fully clothed. He was shivering, whining, hot and leaking in Ren’s hand, clenching on the extended limb of Ren’s consciousness that pushed several buttons in the pleasure center of Ren’s brain. “Relax”, he murmured in Hux’s ear, voice low and thick like honey, and the pressure eased a fraction, giving Ren just enough room to focus on curling the tip to make Hux arch his back with a shriek.

Footsteps jerked him awake from his sex-drunk stupor - late, too late - his hand flying from Hux’s cock to their direction on instinct; he almost lost the connection to Hux as he poured an excessive amount of energy to restrain the intruder, enough that the impact blanked out their consciousness, not unlike a blaring alarm that is suddenly silenced. Hux froze in place before him, squirmed - with balance regained, one arm outstretched holding Lieutenant Mitaka (of course it had to be Mitaka) suspended in midair, energy coursing through his body, it was easy to direct the flow to where he needed, to will Hux into meek submission through the pleasures of the flesh.

He was bursting at the seams with power.

When it occurred to him - an idea for a remarkable challenge.

“If you last longer than me, I’ll let him live.”

“I- I can’t-”

“Are you surrendering?”

“NO! Ren-”

He moved his free hand to Hux’s still hard cock. “Then it’s on.”

“You’re insane!”

Truly, this wasn’t the time nor place for a farfetched bet, but Ren couldn’t help himself; he held the fate of another human being in the palm of his hand and the only person he ever wanted to subdue was writhing against him as a testament to his success. That it was intoxicating didn’t even begin to cover it. Every fiber of his being was a vibrating string and his world tilted in a dizzying vertigo. His outstretched fingers twitched - do not crush the windpipe - his fist picked up the pace and Hux’s pulsing heat made him leak.

He was close, too close; Hux was begging now, high-pitched and desperate, not for himself - he believed Ren would go through with the bet, believed he could lose one of his best officers to Ren’s twisted sense of humor, begged like the good soldier he was, for the good of his fellow comrade. Ren bucked his hips forward, his clothes too tight, pressed Hux onto the wall before him when his name fell from Hux’s lips as nothing more than a cracked whisper and the vertigo swept him off his feet.

All at once the thrumming energy left him, his mind a soothing black void. He could eat an entire bantha.

Coming to, he registered several things, such as his fist was wet with Hux’s come, Lieutenant Mitaka’s crumpled body on the floor inching ever closer to consciousness, the sticky, disgusting patch of wet fabric in his crotch.

First things first; Ren stood in front of Mitaka as he shakily rose to his feet, waved his hand and sent him away with a “nothing to see here”; Hux was almost dressed when he rejoined him, only the greatcoat missing, although nothing could be done about his dishevelled appearance. That never failed to please Ren - he may wipe Mitaka’s memory thousandfold but surely there must already be rumors regarding the occasional slip up in Hux’s otherwise pristine presentation.

He reached out and his helmet sprung from the floor, at the same time as Hux opened his mouth to form a word that Ren had no intention to pay any mind to.

So Hux readjusted and leaned in to kiss him, a genuine haze of gratitude settled over his mind, eyelids heavy with trust, but something inside Ren reared its ugly head and urged him away at the slightest brush of lips.

*

He became more violent afterwards, in every sense of the word. Anger too often found its way to the lightsaber dangling from his belt. Passion too often narrowed his sight into tunnel vision and never before had losing control been so easy. Other, less intimidating, unbidden emotions clawed their way through him, ranging from random outbursts of tears to the unsteadiness of his hand in Hux’s hair.

How to deal with these, nobody taught him; not Skywalker with his all-encompassing forgiveness, nor his Master through denial and oppression, nor his innate instincts while deep in meditative state.

Whatever remained of his restraint crumpled with astounding speed when Hux was around and after he choked him to the point Hux’s throat was sore afterwards, he chose avoidance. Time was of the essence - surely, with time, Ren would uncover the winding path that led him here and which was the key to regaining control. If he wanted, Ren could be very patient.

It was only the unexpected intel about his former master that altered his desired course of action.

*

“But you don’t have any idea!”

“I have a lead.”

“It’s only a rumor, and your wishful thinking.”

“My presence is not required on the base nor on the _Finalizer_ right now. You take it a personal attack against you.”

“I’m only being pragmatic; it’s a waste of time and resources.”

“Supreme Leader disagrees.”

Hux’s nostrils flared. “Supreme Leader also made Starkiller our top priority. Are you questioning a direct order? Do you know better what should call for maximum attention?”

“I don’t need to - Starkiller is almost complete. I trust you to be competent enough to oversee the final stages. Or you think otherwise?”

Hux was fuming, every microexpression of anger manifesting on his ashen face. Ren left without a further word.

*

“Not now.”

“Oh, I’ll keep it short, so maybe even you will understand.”

“Not now, Hux.”

“Shut up. It’s your fault I have an intruder running around. Find her. Don’t you get in my sight until you take care of her.”

My pleasure, he wanted to say, only it stuck in his throat at the sight of Hux’s retreating back.

*

Starkiller’s snow up close was nothing like Hux - gritty and numbing, ever more cruel. With every breath wreathing towards the heavens his strength left him, and the only thing he could recall afterwards was the startlingly clear feeling of total resignation.

*

_Finalizer_ entered Cavtha’s orbit in the third cycle following Starkiller’s demise. There, deep in the dungeons of Snoke’s decrepit citadel, Ren would spend one of his most bleak futures, subjected to ascetism, creeping cold and infinitely transforming shapes dancing in the darkness. Perhaps his body wouldn’t hold out. Perhaps that would be for the better.

Most of those three cycles Ren dedicated to rest and meditation, keeping a low profile both on the ship and within the Force. He forbade himself to dwell on the past, and thus, with the clean slate in place, he found himself requesting entry to Hux’s cabin.

“You were supposed to stay in the medbay,” Hux said in way of greeting once Ren stood inside before him, half of his mangled face hidden under a low-hanging hood. The air around Hux felt different; less cold, as if Hux consciously picked out all the pinpricks of anger that always seemed to hover around him like a cloud. Odd. Ren expected Hux would never forgive him Starkiller’s fall.

Instead, Hux looked strangely inviting - hair soft without any product to rigidly hold it still, plain undershirt and issued sweatpants softening the harsh angles of his frame. Never before had Ren witnessed him in such state and the lingering newfound curiosity Ren ascribed to this anomalous occurrence, and to going without sex for too long.

That’s what he was seeking here, right? Nothing outside their routine. He touched Hux’s forearm and pulled him in. “In two hours, I’ll be gone.”

Hux was willing, melting into Ren’s none too gentle grip, his mind blank and lifeless like a ragdoll; the familiar rush of power pulsed through Ren’s veins and set his nerve-endings on fire. He closed in on Hux with his mind, intensifying gravity so Hux’s shoulders hunched and his chin fell down on his quivering chest. Power over life, over light, over the Force itself - he barely registered his feet left the ground - power undeniable, power that is absolute!

Starkiller. The bridge. Han Solo’s shock and sad eyes, the same as Hux’s at this very moment-

The Force control dissolved - Hux’s labored breathing so loud in its wake, and Ren too taken aback, too scared to process this, let alone react. His palm burned where he was clutching Hux’s arm in a vicegrip and all of a sudden the only possible solution was to let go.

“Ren-?”

Disappear.

“Ren, wait-”

Almost at the door.

“Why- is it me?”

Hux in his way.

“What have I done wrong? Please-”

Hands on his shoulders.

“Tell me-”

Hux’s eyes.

“Kylo!”

He clenched his jaw, he couldn’t take it anymore, Hux’s genuine distress and aching desire to be touched, to be wanted even at the cost of free will - how free is a military man? - how confused Hux looked then and there, all of it on display with the uniform gone; a swift flick of Ren’s wrist and Hux stumbled into his arms, unconscious, his overflowing mind finally silent.

For a second, Ren just stood there, waiting for reality to sink in. This was for the best. This was the least he could do.

He gathered Hux up - _he is so light_ \- and carried him to his bed, illuminated by a transparisteel viewport. There, in the soft light, Hux looked so serene; head tilted to one side so half of his face was cast in shadow, bright red strands of hair spilt over the pillow like a sunlit halo, freckles - how had he never noticed Hux had freckles? - powdered across his skin like stardust. The gentle rise and fall of Hux’s slender chest. Ren swallowed against the burn in his throat. How did he not see?

Hux’s right arm lied in an awkward angle from when Ren lowered him on the sheets - fingers curled up toward the ceiling and palm so pink and narrow. Ren didn’t have the courage to reach out and place Hux’s hand on his belly - didn’t dare touch him at all. He felt that he lost the right.

Did he ever have it to begin with?

Later, while cutting through Cavtha’s atmosphere all alone, in the furthest reaches of his mind, a light flickered back to life that Ren recognized as Hux’s consciousness, followed almost immediately by an overwhelming wave of betrayal.

_I can’t stand traitors._

The shuttle shook as he tore up Cavtha’s grey-green sky. Up ahead towered Snoke’s derelict fortress, covered with moss and diseased trees. He looked out of the viewport. From here, he could not see the _Finalizer_ anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> [feel free to contact me on tumblr!](https://mini-mantis.tumblr.com)


End file.
